@chronicallymoe Jesus Christ Himself: want to know the odds of getting into heaven if you're rich? Imagine this literally impossible thing.
Americans: Ah but secretly this refers to this totally doable thing
Jesus: Literally sell all your stuff and give the proceeds directly to the poor.
Americans: actually that just means you should donate to your local televangelist.
Jesus: here's a story about a rich man who is in hell for being a bastard.
Americans: No U.